dumb that damn tv down, you
In one corner a family from the bayou with an interest in Cajun deep frying and wall-mounted alligators, in the other, a family of self-professed ballet enthusiasts with a passion for the arts. Did you get that, siblings ? ARTS, brothers and sisters, although I suspect the \’T\’ is optional; certainly it might involve dressing down a rung too far. Lest we don\’t grasp just how a trip to a hanging – a picture hanging mind you, not a lynching – might add some civil colour to our charbroiled palette, our pirhouetting patriach is keen to demonstrate. Gesturing at a particularly hellish piece of figurative airbrushing, he invites teenage son #1 to corroborate his sense of elevated wonder from mere close proximity. The distressed youth is so clearly traumatised by repeated exposure to one exhibition after another that his tongue is stilled entirely. \”Look. A woman and an animal. And they\’re getting along. Even though she\’s partially nude.\” F@ck me. Bestiality with a unicorn. A unicorn with the horn, no less. And as if this is not enough, we are than informed how much our renaissance family has benefitted from its recent excursion to Paris.
Paris, France, naturally. A glimpse around mom\’s living room is sufficient to tell us they have been to Europe. Every mirror polished surface boasts a scaled down replica of the Eiffel Tower. Most gold-plated as if by Jeff Koons. Or KMart.
No, definitely Jeff Koons. Mom would never stoop to shopping in KMart, although she quite obviously aspires to the late Michael Jackson\’s taste in frightfully expensive nick nacks and would quite comfortably leave her children in the safekeeping of Neverland while she hits the craft fair in Santa Barbera. And on to a private tasting at the winery. Now. All this might be moderately funny if fronted by the Griswalds, with Randy Quaid in a minor role as the Cajun inbreed canoing through the swamps with tobacco wasted front teeth. But this is Wife Swap USA, the reality show inspired by its dreadful British counterpart. And as such it is hilarious. Hideously so. Throw them to the alligators. ▼ THE RESIDENTS: JAMBALAYA (ON THE BAYOU) from \”Stars & Hank Forever: The American Composers Series, vol. II\” LP (Ralph) 1986 (US) PREVIOUSLY ON SIBLINGSHOT ON THE BLEACHERS: ME & HANK & FUN ON THE BAYOU