part 8: spike
Saturday. You revisit \”Cain\’s Book\”.
Trocchi was in his mid-thirties, you have read, at the time of its completion. A relatively young man, still. Schooled in philosophy and the etiquette of parochial alliance.
One has the sense his embracing the spike, the spoon – its attendant reliance on facilitators – was just as rooted in the politic. The replacing of one narcissistic ritual with another.
Crows wheel. Make a racket.
Congregating on telephone wires. Consummating a primal urge to sound a warning bell. All the while picking at a union dashed against the rocks.
The caravan, its trousseau, is overtaken by Indians.
There is no sign of your fox out there. You\’ve seen neither hide nor hair since that last time squatting. Tongue lolling while he excretes and sniffs his carefully laid festive turd.
Reminding you that everything turns to shit. Wily old bastard.
You are back where you started out four weeks ago. Painted into a corner. You need a good cut man. Someone to slice and dress just to to get you up off the fucking stool.
Inject a little insulin.
That thing with Trocchi.
The singular determination to avoid the consequences. Emotional fallout. You are naturally envious. In this he is spectacularly evasive, always gravitating to the simple mechanics of scoring. Proceeding directly to the hit.
Holding court in a lair in Sheridan Square, the cunt. Craftily fixing.
It is entirely as if he is still attending lectures, tutorials, in the thick of all this dodging. Engaging in a discourse with his mentor there.
The chemistry of alienation.
And all this time your wife continuing to dispense good care to the terminally wounded. Amputees marching helplessly in circles. Over toast soldiers and straight off the table.
Wiping shit off arses. Wrestling bodies into slings.
And you unreconciled in your beaten suede jacket. Riding the subway back and forth in a circle of her bidding too.