pensioners in gas meter scam
Door to door tea-leafs looking to inveigle their way into the homes of the elderly, beware. Alerted to a bogus meter reader, this fragile OAP reaches inside his cardigan pocket for a well-oiled 9mm Parabellum.
Recent statistics suggest that as many as four in ten pensioners are suspected intravenous users. Police advise waiting until they are on the nod – generally anytime between the Trisha Goddard Show and Countdown – before even considering catching one off guard.
According to PC James R. Sneake, a community liaison officer for the Glasgow South-Side Division, there is an alarming trend for the elderly to seek out narcotics in a salacious attempt to hibernate through the winter months.
\”Too impoverished to adequately heat their homes, \” PC Sneake informed us, \”a lot of those old bastards will shoot up virtually anything just to blot out the cold.\” The trend is expected to worsen in line with the current economic downturn.
\”Who knows when the situation will stabilize,\” he continued. \”Some of these f@ckers are even turning to prostitution in a bid to finance their habit. It would certainly appear they have no shame.\” Visibly disgusted, he added:
\”In my day, a bottle of Jamieson\’s and half a brick of shortbread was considered quite adequate. But not now. They seem determined to chase the illegitimate, non-taxable high. Who knows where it will end ? I never once imagined I might live to say this, but I consider myself fortunate that both my parents are dead.\”
Producerd by Craig Leon and Tommy Erdelyi. Recorded at Plaza Sound, Radio City Music Hall, NYC.
▼ RAMONES: YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE OPENED THAT DOOR (DEMO) from \”Ramones\” CD Remaster (Sire / Rhino 2 x CD) 1976 / 2001 (US)