Monday, April 19, 2010

that was the week that was

Perhaps the best strategy might be to strap each of the 'three' candidates into a steel chair. Interrogate them as to policy.

See then just how much a politician dares to deviate from the script. And who might squeal if leaned on a little.

The public has already witnessed a rudimentary 'block-in', sans canned laughter and applause. Roped together on a cardboard podium, it might yet develop into a genuine three legged race.

Frankly, even at this early juncture it's already looking a little over rehearsed.

The same questions persist. Who is really to blame for the bungled Northern Rock heist ? Was RSB's involvement in the Goldman Sachs fiasco entirely a result of gross incompetence ?

It has always smelled like an inside job.

When pressed, Mr. Brown promised to dig a little deeper. Try hammering broken matchsticks under the fingernails.

Mr. Blue had little to say. He didn't seem to have learned his lines at all, but then again. Mr. Yellow had already stolen the show, such as it was; the only one out the three invited to put on a show who appeared even remotely lean. Hungry. 

Not a bravura performance exactly, but nonetheless the only Equity Card holder there not calcified with stage fright.

Confined to the wings, Mr. Salmon - in homage to Mr. Pink - relied on some tired slapstick to generate at least one column inch in the morning's review.

He can do that routine in his sleep. He has had plenty of practice at Holyrood.

Still. Unlike in the US, we prefer to run through our campaigning at a breakneck pace. Fill in the blanks - the policies, that is - with impoverished improvisation. It adds to the drama. With less than a month to opening night there is time enough to jot down a few choice words on the back of a cigarette packet.

Save the ad libs for Oscar Night. The BAFTAs, at least.

As Mr. Brown keeps reminding us, it's sleight of hand over substance. There is no flair in British politics. Precious little honesty or stomach for unpalatable truths.

Cue the party music.


anto said...

hello ib,

well you've nailed it here alright. i remember during the 1980s grwoing up in ireland, most guys i knew could name the british cabinet and most of the shadow guys. suppose they were more rallying times + effects of northern ireland and spitting image. now, fuck me, a bunch of mid-level exec types with a polish that appeals to who? the 'friends' generation? balir did some job at flattening the landscape now only in the PR sense but, by the looks of things, the back room 'one word and your dead' type controlling influence such that you have this blithering shower of cuks running for office. presume you'll have a low turnout/large BNP vote.

jaysus, y'd think someone could grab a hold of things.


ib said...

Anto. Good to hear from you.

If, as you suggest, there is a large turnout for the BNP, successive governments have only their obtuseness of policy to blame.

I'm sat here watching a Panorama special on projected population growth and its impact on public services as I type.

If even remotely accurate, the repurcussions are not just alarming but entirely contradict our incumbent government's 'interpretation' of the self same statistics.

Allegedly, Britain is officially now the most densely populated state in Europe.

Factor in the banking collapse, and the impact on taking vast sums out of housing, education and the NHS even in the mid to long term would be resultingly catastrophic.

As expected, that blows the Mr. Blue's policy out the water, but scarcely lets Brown off the hook. And. His failure to grasp the impact of deregulation within the financial sector says little for his credibility as former Chancellor of the Exchequer.

It all conspires in favour of a low turnout on May 6th.

Add to which, all three parties seem to have chopped and changed on policy in recent months to a ridiculous extent. Not least the party fronting Mr. Yellow.

Not for the first time in recent years, I have a hard time distinguishing outright lie from incompetent bluster.

I wouldn't trust any of those bullshit artists to deliver a fish supper.

ib said...

Of course. Given that I intentionally neglected to illustrate my point with music of any colour, I have no doubt, Anto, that you are one of the few visitors here to have even read this post. Let alone comment.

You're right about the blurring of colour to the point of it now being uniformly grey.

The roles are largely interchangeable.

Still. I'll give the fat controller even odds on the day the nags fall wheezing over the finish line.