Sunday, April 26, 2009

ein toast

It is my birthday today, siblings. Like those awful greetings cards needle, I have pretty much stopped counting; I know this because often I miscalculate my age by a year of two when somebody has the effrontery to enquire. I have to think carefully and tally up the lost decades.

In preparation for the opportunity at least to engage in polite celebration, I shaved off some alarmingly grey stubble. Most of my head hair is thus far immune, happily, but the growth on my face has been bleaching out for quite some time. Having experimented with some close cropped facial topiary this past several months, I finally decided I was beginning to resemble a Captain Birdseye in training. I can think of far worse potential jobs, of course, but it is not the kind of look one wants to sport recreationally. While a more youthful countenance might comfortably advertise a fashionable pussy tickler, there is a fine line between just that and the suggestion of something altogether more unsavoury in the older male.

In my impatience to vacate the bathroom and pour myself a tall glass of something alcoholic, I managed to nick myself in several places. Those deepening creases between nostril and upper lip; cheek and jowl. I dispensed with the sidewhiskers entirely.

The first glass, then, was ultimately medicinal.


ALLEN GINSBERG: PUNK ROCK & OLD POND from "The Nova Connection" LP (Giorno Poetry Systems) 1979 (US)


HowMarvellous said...

well, happy birthday ib; I've mentally calculated my age for as long as I can remember - current date less 1964... don't know why, but the actual figure is never in my head.

Surely the Birdseye voice requires greater effort than the appearance?.

Ramone666 said...

Have a good one Ib. Cheers!

ib said...


HM: advertising voice-overs ? A fine gig, indeed; until you consider the shit they serve up on Alan Sugar's "The Apprentice". Shiver me timbers.

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

Happy birthday from me and Robbie!

There's nane that's blest of human kind,
But the cheerful and the gay, man,
Fal, la, la &c.

Here's a bottle and an honest friend
What wad ye wish for mair, man?
Wha kens, before his life may end,
What his share may be o' care, man?

Then catch the moments as they fly,
And use them as ye ought, man:
Believe me, happiness is shy,
And comes not aye when sought, man.

Your driver said...

Happy Birthday Brother Ib! It's been swell getting to know you. Thanks for the sound of Ginsberg. I got to see, meet and hear Madame Pamita last night. I wish I'd known we were celebrating your birthday.


Canty Birthday! Ib
Lang may yer lum reek.
Gun cuireadh do chupa thairis le slainte agus sonas.
Tauruses forever united.
Mine's next Sunday 3 May

ib said...


Thanks for the trip of the Burns; one of his better poems, I think. Cheers!

ib said...

Thanks, Jon. I remember reading at your place that Madame Pamita was in town, but I neglected to mention... Hope you had a swell time.

ib said...

Thanks, Nate! Sláinte!

Tauruses united, brother. My son's birthday is next Saturday on the 2nd, a day after Bealltainn.

We are all in good company.

Your driver said...

Ib, Everyone really enjoyed themselves and I did think of you. I was wishing you were there and I didn't even know it was your birthday. Madame will be touring the UK next month. Unfortunately, she will mostly be playing in and around London. If, by some weird circumstance you decide to jump on a train and go see her, tell her I said "Hi." She's a bit larger than life, but really quite friendly. Again, I wish you a very happy birthday.

ib said...

Jon. I'd have loved to have been there last night. Sounds like a very cool time was had by all. Who knows ? Perhaps I may see still Madame in London; by American standards, the distance between there and Glasgow is infinitesimal, but it is an expensive journey by train nonetheless, and quite arduous by bus. Thanks for the best wishes, brother.

Matt said...

Lifting a glass to you, my friend...
Here's to another calendar-turn.
I think to calculate age it is easiest to subtract 32 and then multiply x2. That way no one, yourself included, really knows, but at least the temperature is cool.
Either that or, should that person have the effrontery (great ten dollar word!) again, just explain to them that time is an affliction!

Frank Zappa - The Adventures of Gregory Peccary

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday!

davyh said...

Belated birthday greetings IB; hope you had a swell day.

Beards? Just say no.

ib said...


Cheers, bro! You lost me a bit on the calculus, there, but I gather that's the point. Effrontery is such a great word... At current exchange rates, I'm informed, it comes in at £6.87.

Thanks for the Zappa.


Cheers, mate.

ib said...

Davy H:

Thanks, man. Beards are very iffy, agreed; my younger self would have verbally crucified me. Put it down to yet another mid-life crisis.

Anonymous said...

on the backward side of midnight in another hemisphere, best belated birthday wishes to you ib!

*be shaved*
mr.K & Shirl

ib said...

Thanks, Mr. K & Shirl. I shall keep my facial hair trimmed. Lightly peppered, as they say.

Sheridan Dupre said...

Happy happy, IB. From one set of greying whiskers to another.

ib said...

Cheers, Sheridan. Hair of the dog!

The Wolfmen said...

Whoops sorry I missed it - hope you had a rocking rolling day.

PS I'd recommend those new King of Shaves razors - they're really very good..

ib said...

Thanks, wolfmen. King of Shaves, eh ? Never tried it; that flexible 'azor' might just be the very thing...

emmett said...

Cheers, bro!

ib said...

Thanks, Emmett!

MsheArt2 said...

Happy belated birthday Taurus!
Mine's the 13 and I love cake hahaa!

ib said...

Thanks, ♫M'sheArt2❤. Yeah. Blowing out a birthday candle never looked like such a good thing.