Monday, September 22, 2008

coronary waiting to happen

It's official. I am in a lousy mood. I have no idea why, precisely. Today I seem to have too many reasons. I want to pound some f@cker into the pavement. Like Johnny Boy in "Mean Streets". Like Tony Montana.

You know that saying, Somebody Just Walked Over My Grave ? Well. Some f@cker just yanked my chain. I can feel it in the way my neck is straining all to one side. My chest is all puffed out, and my veins are throbbing. There is too much cholesterol clogging up my blood.

Too many fast food takeaways, and too much easy f@cking laid out on my back with a woman on top.

Earlier today, a police car pulled a 360˚ loop in front of me without indicating. Right in front of me; this fat f@ck peering over the wheel like a pig in a white collared shirt. Little pink eyes in a Pillsbury dough face like a half-baked Halloween cake melting behind the windshield. Almost knocked me off my feet. Coming out my corner on wobbly knees.

It was all down hill from there.


Your driver said...

I had an incident last week that was saved by the cops. I won't even go into it, but my blood pressure has been up ever since. The bad part was that I did some harm to a not altogether innocent idiot. It's not good when you go around harming idiots though. They're idiots and you don't want to sink to their level. Go for a walk. Breathe deep. That stuff.

JustFrankie said...

Hey IB,

What the fuck is up with these cops and wanna be cop security guards? Always peering at you like you're up to something. At stores I tell the guards. "what's the easiest way to get out of here without you seeing me exit. I just love Mach 3 razors." Then I watch them peering around corners, as if I don't notice their slyness. As I leave their eyes are whatever is in my hands and waiting in joyous anticipation for the alarm to go off as I leave. I know it's wrong to go about busting someone's balls lioke that, but I figure I must liven up, probably, the most boring job on this planet.
So just be cool and realize that their are too many dumb, obnoxious, inconsiderate assholes out there. And I know I can't change them with a beating so most and I mean most of the time I just give a friendly smile, and keep walking.

ib said...

Hey, Frank, good to hear from you.

They love to sit and wait for someone unsuspecting to trip a wire, all right. In this instance they were the one's violating traffic codes. I managed to reign myself in, but that little showdown was just a taste for what the rest of the day had to offer, unfortunately. From freewheeling cops to vagrant inebriates in the space of five minutes. Jesus. As Jon mentioned in relation to his incident last week, it was something very close to your account of the street altercation you experienced recently.

Funnily enough, I had a spot of supermarket hypertension thereafter, too. And then I was just bad company all round.

Thanks for the good will, though. I am slowly trying to wind down here without snapping at anyone not remotely deserving my ill temper.

LV said...

Somedays I think it is just in the air, like a silent needling pressure that targets a town, feeding off all the heat generated by enraged citizens..i saw it in my son on sunday night, and after it passed I guess the cloud moved north..

ib said...

Yes, LV. I believe in ill winds, too. Usually that something in the air passes by overhead without touching down. Or doing anything more significant than ruffling feathers.

I switched on the news today and it seemed all bad. I am glad I stayed indoors last night and weathered the storm.